The 3 "i's" of assertive communication.

There are three basic communication styles: Aggressive, Passive and Assertive.

Aggressive communicators are generally close minded, poor listeners, have difficulty seeing the other persons point of view, interrupt and monopolize the conversation. They operate on a win-lose basis.


Passive communicators are typically indirect, always agree, don't speak up and are hesitant. They operate on a lose-win basis.


Assertive communicators however are active listeners, state expectations, share observations (without judgments), express themselves directly and honestly and check on the feelings of others. They operate on a win-win basis.


Of the 3 styles, assertive is the best for everyone involved. To make your communication more assertive you can use the 3 "i's".


1. Use the word “i. Avoid using You, as this stops you from allowing control of the listener. Using omniscience removes control of the speaker, you, because "You" is only used to express indecisiveness.


2. Maintain eye contact. You should be staring at your listeners' eyes when speaking. Averting your eyes
constantly or having no eye contact altogether will show timidness or discomfort.


3. Show inviting body language. Have open\inviting body language. Make gestures that give a sense of warmth and openness on your behalf—open palms, circular arm movements, smiles, wrinkles of the nose, hugs, etc.



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